peacekeepers

Wurst Ride

2011-11-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

What a weekend! Justin and I biked the whole duration of the Wurst Ride...60 miles to from Austin to New Braunfels. The feat was not in the milage--the nearly 30 mph wind was killer!

Needless to say, I'm beat. Today is a lazy Sunday.

Seasons change

2011-11-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

The official first day of fall was Sept. 23, but it feels like summer just recently escaped. Now we are almost through with two seasons in Austin! My, how the year flies.

Here is where we stay to keep warm:

yOUR peace.

New Life in the ATX

2011-07-08T13:16:00.000-07:00

No posts for a while, eh?

To fill in the gap, it was, indeed, a gap for the Sparkleses. I moved to Austin in March, and Justin came here just last week. The few months apart were not easy, but Mexico vacations, Hangoutfest beach trips, and burner weekends brought us together intermittently.

Now Justin and I live in a beautiful apartment in downtown Austin, where we live, work, and play.

Chicago

2011-03-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

Goodbye, Poughkeepsie!

2011-03-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

Fortune Cookie: Change come soon. Love it.

2011-02-09T14:01:00.000-08:00

Mountain View didn't work out, but...

I got a call today about a job in Austin---Sales Rep for Enlink Geoenergy. Considering my fixation on environmentalism and longing for warmer weather, I'M PSYCHED. The only bummer is that Justin is still going through physical therapy and just recently took a new job himself. I don't even want to think about having a day without him, so it helps knowing that IBM has a huge hub in the southern city and that PTs abound.

Sparkle's recovery is moving quickly, thank goodness. In the meantime, I'm painting and biking to stay busy.

<3

2011-01-10T07:22:00.000-08:00

Justin is having surgery on his knee today. His ACL was pretty much demolished while playing ultimate frisbee in April. I am sitting here in the waiting room with his mom, and I'm anxious to see him. It'll be over a month before he can walk again, but soon enough we'll both be up and running...possibly in California.

I did have an interview at Google's Mountain View office last week. I am very much eager for the job, which would be a customer support role. My fingers are crossed.

Late Nights

2010-10-18T22:01:00.000-07:00

"That was a year ago? No way."

2010-09-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

You know you're in the "real world" when your life is dependent upon acronyms, you have your week scheduled every Monday, and you spend more time at a computer than you do sleeping.

peace tip #32

2010-09-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #32
Know when to share the good news.

"The century council recently awarded our team a $75,000 grant to do a full scale implementation of the campaign on the University of Alabama campus."

This is old news, but it is nice to know. In all honesty, one would think an academic with a focus in communications would have at least have shed light upon this fact for the worker bees.

I'm smiling, surely.

sun soaked bulges in the shade

2010-08-05T15:51:00.001-07:00

I'm burning both ends working at the restaurant and training with Kaplan, and fresh fruit is a reprieve after that night shift ends. Justin and I bit into the ripest peach on Tuesday, which was later blended into a smoothie. Summer lovin', having a blast...

Wah.

2010-06-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

I lost my job with Hudson Valley Magazine. I just couldn't sell five video packages per week---small businesses are barely staying afloat, and it isn't easy to push expenditures on advertising.

Justin consoles me, but I feel like a big disappointment. I zoomed through school to get into this working world, but there isn't any work to be had.

2010-06-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

peace tip #32

2010-05-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #32
Shame no one.

I'll go ahead and confess to the crime of almost eating an untouched onion ring off of a plate I cleared at Red Lobster on Friday. The snack was cut off by the presence of a kitchen manager, who nearly brought me to my knees in shame of eating after someone.

Let this be known--servers get hungry. They are on their toes when most people eat, and scraps become a bit more appealing when their own dinners seem unobtainable.

Call me gross, but desperation trumps etiquette.

In my other world, I walk in the daylight and meet the wonderful people of the wonderful places like New Paltz and Fishkill. On Friday, I met Justin at The Village Tearoom for a fanciful thirst quencher. These are the days I feel free; these are the days I love the most.

2010-04-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

I've got a job with Hudson Valley Magazine! My cubicle has a window, so I'm really into bird watching at the moment. I never thought I'd end up in advertising sales, but after filling out a trillion career search input forms, I am overly happy to have a box surrounded by other boxes.

Justin's birfday is Friday, and it will be a grand time for the nearly 28-year-old Mr. Sparkles.

Ads!

2010-04-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

In March, Allen Rosenshine advised me to add to my portfolio by recreating existing ads in my own style. Below is the result:

Ikea

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Converse

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Clearisil

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Walkway Over the Hudson

BEFORE:

AFTER:

peace tip #31

2010-04-14T07:45:00.001-07:00

PEACE TIP #31
Make friends.

A man with white hair told me this. Perhaps there is something to be said about white hair and wisdom as I heard it in stories I read as a child. There are few two word statements I have ever head to be so profound.

Until my junior-senior year, college was a bust for my social well-being. I can gripe about it, or I can be thankful for the fruitful end which introduced me to wonderful people whose last names that sound like "torrents," "myth," "savory," "pot," and "love joy." Those who are miles away are severely missed.

*

Adult life brings dilemmas like politics. I abhor them. I hate having to agree with another's so-called "philosophies" in order to gain approval. Yet, I am also learning that professionalism is riddled with such acts. So it is, so it may not always be.

On Monday begins a new adventure for me!

*

Justin his almost sure he tore his ACL, and now we have pictures of his knee. Our hopes gear towards a steady recovery so the joint may heal and my love joy can enjoy the blossoming life that surrounds us without being hobble-y!

omelette & dinosaurs

2010-04-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

This is bit of a non sequitur comment, but I think it would be really hilarious to sell petroleum as recycled dinosaur parts.

peace tip #30

2010-04-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #30
Have good humor.

Being a Seafood Expert isn't easy. It certainly isn't rocket science, though, according to one guest I served last night who cursed when I interrupted his salad with a hot meal. Apparently, the gravitational pull of table 41 kept me from giving superb attention to our Mister Anger and his wife.

I start at Hudson Valley Magazine next week, and I'm psyched. Publications have been my life for a while, and it's good to be back. Hello, Interactive Advertising Sales position. Welcome cubicle!

It's almost Easter, and Justin's mom has sent us a nice package in the mail full of wholesome goodness (Reese's included!). Martina also sent Ritter Sport our way. Candy is sweet. Family and friends are sweeter.

2010-03-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

It has rained all day today--

Blustery gusts took me away at any attempt to run in the weather. I came inside a serene apartment and looked at the green life sprouting within the room. After filling a glass of water and pouring it on the plants (bringing wetness to their roots), I took a gulp myself and the liquid tasted clean like purity should.

This isn't a gray day at all. It is quite bright. It will only get brighter when night unites us.

Spring showers being tomatoes and peppers

2010-03-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Rain drops count down the minutes until Emily leaves the fishes and swims home. Sitting here on a beautiful water filled day I dream of orange lights reflecting off of pools of life. There are new creatures growing all around, purple, green, blue and wiggly the ground is once again transforming. Life is emerging in beautiful shades and forms. Lead by our noses, taste buds, and urge to bring peace into the world we create.

Spring come soon

2010-03-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

Spring is coming, and I couldn't be more excited.

Happiness!

2010-03-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

peace tip #29

2010-03-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #29
Understand that some people cannot be reconciled.

Live and work in downtown Poughkeepsie, NY for a little while. If you've ever had a glossy view of life, it will change. Oh, it will change. If you can find the beauty in it, you're golden.

Jamaica

2010-02-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Justin and I spent a week in Jamaica. All we wanted was sun, but native beachcombers offered wares constantly. A great wave of desperation can be sensed when driving through the ramshackle towns, which are separated by a tropical countryside.

We became comfortable with ease despite occasional visits from a Tony, our provider of orange juice.

Few wear shoes, which is championed in my book as long as weather permits a comfortable atmosphere for toes. Justin's aunt and uncle, Jill and Zauner, brought two suitcases full of clothes for their local friends. Simple items like T-shirts were appreciated and donned with pleasure.

We're lucky dogs, and we know it. Granted, if we weren't raised in a society that practically guarantees education and essentials for living (food, clothing, and--as much as I hate to admit--dinero) we might not feel so entitled to such things.

I've been sulking since August about not having a "real" job, but witnessing life in Jamaica was a reality check. Amongst houses of grandiose quality were shacks and dirt roads. Those who weren't holed up in a mansion knew each other by name. The truth might be that tremendous turmoil of violence and struggle haunt life on the island, which was founded perceivably as a place to keep slaves and produce sugarcane. However, a hopeful soul can only seek beauty in the land and its seemingly peaceful inhabitants.

peace tip #28

2010-02-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #28
Breathe.

If that doesn't work, breathe again.

The snow falls and love grows

2010-01-28T22:54:00.000-08:00

There's a mermaid on our book shelf and she smiles at me every day. Walking through freshly sprinkled snow on the streets of New Paltz you cant help but believe Bohemia isn't far away, "Everything is purple and green" I hear travelling in my direction. My brain stirs wild visions and colors fill the squishy self defining important nerve ball behind my eyeballs. "This meeting isn't important" flashes though a bundle of nerves while synonymously instructing my fingers to hit the end call button. I see trees grow green leaves behind my eyes, multi color flowers emerge from wet muddy soil and bloom. The air feels warm wet even as the sun sets over the ridge and wild spring energy returns. "I can't wait for spring" I say never coming close to conveying what I see but I know she sees the same visions and has the same feelings for energy. 2 weeks and counting a spring preview will emerge in the Caribbean.

peace tip #27

2010-01-27T07:20:00.001-08:00

PEACE TIP #27
Don't take life for granted.

People come together over crisis. The death and destruction following the earthquakes in Haiti has been a numbing thought; I cannot fathom being in the midst of all the tears and suffering.

Granny passed away over the weekend, and the reality of mortality provokes a schism in mindful memories.

Live each moment. Love every moment. Let despair cease and subside.

She's a tough cookie

2010-01-25T21:47:00.000-08:00

Tree tops are flowing
Wind is howling all around
Crunchy white below

It's 1am, Emily is warm cute and floating through white puffy clouds with purple feathered wings as dreams spiral by. Still warming from a Sunday wandering though misty mountains, I am proud of her.

Every day continues to be better then the last. Walls concurred, Wilco playing we lie down in the fluffy red.

2010-01-25T19:19:00.000-08:00

I've been reading through old entries of another journal. If you told me then I'd be who I am now, I'd find you to be a bit incredible. If you told me now who I was then, I'd find you unbelievable. I am accordingly so.

Justin and I hiked through 9 miles of snow in the Catskills with our neighbors yesterday. I'm sludge tonight; the backs of my legs feel bludgeoned.

Remember when we hunted and gathered? Our lives moved!

note to self

2010-01-20T11:24:00.000-08:00

Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up.

peace tip #26

2010-01-14T06:44:00.001-08:00

PEACE TIP #26
Don't take people's cookies without asking.

R. showed up in my dream last night, but she wasn't shrouded in the hazy gray cloud that bogged us down on Grace Street that year. Instead, she was hugging me and being very supportive of the fictionalized situation. I was looking for work at an unfamiliar institution, and we were roommates again. I explained to her that I was very sorry for raiding her pantry without her knowing, and she cooly said, "It's fine, it's fine, it's all fine now..."

need.to.write

2010-01-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

Justin let me read a speech given by David Foster Wallace last night, and I think it got to me.

*

LISTENER COMPLAINT: I hate the term "disconnect." I hear it all the time on NPR, and it drives me bonkers. It's been said to me twice in two situations that were almost equally painful, and I prefer not to hear the word.

*

"You don't seem like the money grubbing type," someone said to me once after I confessed that I was studying advertising at my alma mater. Likely, this was during a heyday spent shoeless in the sun in front of a large columned library during a congregation of local-vores and environmental enthusiasts.

I then explained why I was attracted to the industry--there was a promise of making a living by creating art and writing. Then I learned how the industry can be used for betterment of society. Dreams I had, dreams they were, dreams they can still be. In the meantime, I might be placing plates in front of hungry faces again.

In the past few months, I've dealt with dizzying rejection accompanied by self-defeat, and I'm starting to plead lazy.

Over a few years, I tried to achieve something. I guess employment was an end goal, but it wasn't the end goal. By the time I escaped Tuscaloosa, I became "young and idealistic," propelled by learning injustices and put off by notions of bureaucracy. My father likely called me "naive."

I found something wonderful and went with it. I'm happy like I never knew happy could be. I'm comfortable, and I'm sleeping again. I'm dreaming again, too. Sometimes, I get the feeling that I'm in a waking sleep. Such a moment occurred this morning when I rubbed Justin's back as the room became brighter.

*

I realize I do need to stay awake and push harder. I've holed myself up to apply for jobs, and I've strayed from activism. I'm resolving not to let the go-getter go just yet.

All the disappointment on the job front makes it difficult, but "it'll happen." My hopes and my passions have me hyped up to hear back from Genergy. This week, I hope.

In the meantime, this is a written statement to myself to forget about springtime fiascos and catch up with karma.

courtesy of xkdc.com

TIME Travel: Early July 2009

2010-01-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

continued from an earlier post...

Long days spent working on production of something that got a bit derailed; Iceland was an experience, that's for sure. Hours of footage brought an influx of contrasting emotions, but the meticulous work of organizing and ordering scenes to tell a story began before it ended in Boeblingen, Germany. I had no expectations of what was to come, nor did I hope for the adventure that did. Nothing--none of the mountains, valleys or glaciers--made me feel more part of this world than coming to understand that YES, DEAR, LOVE AND ITS KINDRED SPIRIT DOES EXIST.

I remember walking through the maddening heat of a parking lot in Tuscaloosa to return from a day of grasping how to use this-and-that software and figuring out just exactly how to piece together a puzzle that ultimately few would realize was a summer's worth of fret and an aspiration to make a film. Never mind the technicalities--there was a long blond-topped body stretched out on my couch that dozed as the afternoon sun forced itself through white window panes.

I couldn't disturb the sleeper at once, but I captured his light instead:

peace tip #25

2010-01-08T11:20:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #25
Look forward.

Sometimes I let things bother for longer than they should. There once was a person I called "boy wonder." He was trumped over six months ago. I can't even use the word "replaced." Sparkles shines more than he is a wonder.

Yesterday, I had an interview in a fancy Sheraton in Mahwah, NJ. Maybe that's what led to the dream of being lost in an 800 story hotel last night; one that had trams and sideways elevators and dumbwaiters.

The situation also harped to another former scenario. in my sleep, I felt the same fright the Mother Hen gave me after I was late to a congregation of competitors. I begged in my own words for consideration that I had been told to be down thirty minutes later than actuality demanded, and that no one relayed the message as I requested. I felt alone and completely disoriented months ago and also in the nightmare. Another person from my past was there, and I felt confronted and exposed as a frail body and a lost soul.

I woke up and Justin was sound asleep behind me. Feelings of safety and love fell over with dawn's light. I was safe in consciousness.

Time passes, and it's hard not to think back; however, it's so much more soothing to look forward.

peace tip #24

2010-01-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #24
Stay healthy.

Justin and I have been sick and miserable to the point that the mucus in our head is clouding our thoughts and giving us bad dreams. We don't feel good now, but we will get better. Two days in bed are two days wasted.

The cold--the one outside and probably the one in my body--is getting to me. I feel ughhhh at the thought dodging the elements (snow, ice, and slush are foreign to this Southern girl!), but I did manage to conquer 5 miles of bridge today. I've been craggy because the clothes I retrieved from my dad's house have gotten a bit snug. Thank you, beer and lethargy. I've resolved to quit the brew and the chocolate for a while. Meanwhile, I'm still working on the employment thing while listening to stats on the "climbing joblessness rate" on NPR. Hope, ga, hope! It'll come...

Before departing for the holidays, I did work for Will, Justin's friend who is also an architect who works on "green" buildings. I made a magazine ad and Christmas cards for him, and I'm craving to redesign his website: http://www.willbuilders.com.

Like Will, we have a rock climbing wall in our residence now. Justin built it with plywood and 2 x 4's. We've been adding holds, some of which we built ourselves, a few pieces at a time. I must get strong by this spring, or at least get fit by February to go to Jamaica, mon.

Murry (belated) Christmus!

peace tip #23

2009-12-13T17:46:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #23
Spot a scam.

And avoid it like a plague.

I'm gullible, I admit. I just spent an acknowledgeable chunk of my day writing an article for pennies. I never once had a face-to-face conversation with an editor or representative--I wrote about walnut hardwood floors after an E-mail promised to pay me a few dollars for my written words.

"You must be able to sense these scams," Justin said. "People will take advantage of you. The world will take advantage of you."

Thank you, RedZone International. Thank you, The Content Authority. Thank you, Citi Financial. Thank you for teaching me that I am easily duped by my hope of earning a non-discretionary income.

Desperation kills judgment, that's for sure.

I've got mail

2009-12-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

"You're the mermaid," said Justin.

peace tip #22

2009-12-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #22
Denounce consumerism.

A bad economy is an environmentalist's and a pacifist's dream come true. People are buying less and manufacturing is on the decline. With optimistic reasoning, war isn't so likely to be waged in defense or claim of resources.

In July, Mrs. Boehler, co-owner of Hotel Boehler and partner to Mr. Boehler, spoke of Americans like consumerism was their national religion. She told me that many of her guests from the United States were awestruck to find that all shops in Boeblingen were closed on Sundays.

"It's the day you go to church and spend time with family!" she exclaimed. Justin and I spent our weekend day of rest together under the sun, soaking its rays into our skin. At that time and even now, basking was far more fulfilling than acquiring.

I remember receiving my first paycheck after being hired at a restaurant as a happy-come-lucky 16 year-old. I spent most of it on several pairs of shoes bought at a discount store. I then proudly took a picture of my mountain of footwear.

A guess is that self-expression is what compelled me into follow-up excursions to the mall. That and the freedom from responsibility and any meaningful art form or hobby likely brought about the contents of the boxes and boxes of clothing, DVDs, CDs, books, and trinkets packed away and the houses of my parents.

The prognosis of prodigaphobia* and the global perspective upper-level education provided have brought shame for my collection, which will be willfully lessened later this month. Where will the STUFF go? Into the hands of another proud owner who may take a picture of the loot? Perhaps not, but that destiny for inanimate objects seems like a better alternative than toxic disintegration. My only other hope is that some sisterly or brotherly or (un)friendly pair will not dispute over whose is whose is whose shoes for whose as my sibling and I once did.

We are older now and maybe even wiser, right sunshine?

Mr. Sparkles is a minimalist, so clutter on the counter is shoved out of mind, out of sight. "Sometimes I feel smothered by things," he says before I smile.

*fear of waste

peace tip #21

2009-12-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #21
Look on the bright side.

The sky isn't exactly gray today, but there are splotches of dark in the clouds.

I received feedback about the job of my dreams, and hiring is on hold until January. I'll take my own advice and remember to have patience. In the meantime, the holidays will continue to be especially restful as they were while Justin and I visited Michigan.

Keep yo' head up...

peace tip #20

2009-11-27T15:29:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #20
Remember good times.

In loving memory of Layla Yousefi-Smith
1986-2008

Time Travel: Late June 2009

2009-11-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

WARNING: mushy, mushy, mushy.

I hate driving. I don't do it at all if I can help it, but a mission in late June made my foot touch the pedal without any apprehension.

Birmingham International Airport is a relatively small facility, but there's still no stopping in the lane to pick up arriving passengers. Even when it's almost midnight and the last flight is coming in, one can't patiently wait at a standstill. It's probably a good thing, though--the few circles around the building kept my mind from jumping out of my body in anticipation of a flight arrival.

A call came, and I answered with a nervous greeting. It was Justin. He was in the baggage claim area, miles and miles away from his home in Poughkeepsie. A few minutes later, the same blonde figure I remembered from the hot fields of Manchester came out of automatic glass doors. He was still trailed by purple and green fireworks that only I could see. The boom boom boom explosion happened again when my feet were literally off the ground wrapped into a bear hug around Justin's waist.

The next two weeks were spent in Tuscaloosa. Tandem runs, peace sign pancakes, and daily doses of NPR were glorious highlights of the most recent summer of love.

(TBC)

inspiration

2009-11-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

"Anyone with twenty one years of life has a story to tell.
Write. Write every day."

-- quote heard on NPR, speaker unknown

peace tip #19

2009-11-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #19
Avoid being inconsistent.

I remember a frank discussion about how meat is an energy intensive product, and how reducing the consumption of it would alleviate pollutants and promote health among humans and ecosystems. Frank it was and frank it became; I found myself standing beside a few from the crowd lined up to trade money for hot dogs. I felt a little bird of hypocrisy squawking inside of my body while taking note of the scene, yet I did not implode. Silly to me it was to see people who swallowed their own words and processed meats so easily.

There was mentioning of a buffet and the satisfaction of all-you-can-eat choice. Lappé would not approve, but being argumentative won't get you anywhere, according to the contradictory honcho with the creepy laugh.

"'Tis better to be uncouth than aloof to the big picture!" is what the bird was saying.

peace tip #18

2009-11-11T07:15:00.000-08:00

PEACE TIP #18
Try new things.

Be wary of enchiladas, but relish the taste of foreign cuisine.

Justin and I hung out with Sanjay and another IBMer who are staying in Danbury, CT, for work purposes. Both gents are from India, so they're a long way from home and from good masala. We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant last night and gorged on spicy goodness. I don't think either Sanjay or his friend enjoyed the taste too much, but they grinned and swallowed.

Adaptability, I hear, is a necessity for the working folk. Any world traveler would have a rough time if he or she spit out something on which a chance was taken.

I remember taking the best chance of my life in July:

"Andrea, should I go with Justin to Germany?"

"Um, YES."

I'm still smiling because of the decision.

"People who get up early in the morning cause war, death and famine."

2009-11-05T13:22:00.001-08:00

A man, whom I deem wise like Ben Franklin wise, sat in front of me and posed a question: "So why do you want to join New College?"

"I just don't think I'll be able to keep my sanity in the advertising industry," was my word-for-word response.

Five months and a granting of a scholarship later, the lack of cents talked and I dropped out. It wasn't necessarily the promise of a decent income, but it was the quickest, least expensive path to a piece of paper known as a degree. Now I'm filling out job applications and missing the flighty, happy NC gang and reminiscing about NeverNeverLand and its merriment. My thoughts are fond, but I can't long for too much; I'm punch drunk on love.

Life is good; there's a hammock in the kitchen and Cake's lyrics resonate.

My opinion about advertising stands, and I'm a thousand times more nauseated at the site of billboards and fashion rags because I know more than I care to know. The application process has me ailing a bit; I've got an outlook on life ("I just like making people happy") that is often exploited, and I just want to help people, man, I just wanna make the world a better place...

But I don't wanna be too self-righteous, ya dig? Point noted: affirmed beliefs just ram a person into a brick wall. Yet, the world keeps spinning despite the collision, and everyone's stuck picking sides.

Justin knows. He's been on jury duty all week. When he comes home, I get the lowdown on sleazy lawyers and their transparent tactics. Someone's upset over a knee surgery, and he thinks money is going to be what heals him. "Nosirrreee!" would be our verdict.

Please step on my toes should I become an over-opinionated jerkwad. Please push me should I ever become complacent.

inspired by a hammock in the kitchen

2009-11-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have commandeered the main station! Accidentally, of course--sitting on the love seat curled up with a laptop is pretty much the epitome of this phase of lull, lull, laziness.

In my head, two scenarios I care to write of take place:

An Icelandic princess looks at me with wide-eyed surprise as a suited bloke kisses her neck. Her eyes, in retrospect, remind me of another's cool blue irises.

In another time, a teenage girl listens to The Smashing Pumpkins' song titled "Perfect." Over a thousand miles away, a young man with fair hair sits in front of a computer that displays numbers she would not understand. In his body, though, is a soul she will.

Lessons learned over the past six months:

Buddy systems work for buddies.

Tuscaloosa had its perks.

The "real world" is a fantasy.

Thai style curry..alwight!

2009-11-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

"You made me a gourd face!"

"I know, Justin! I've been talking about gourds all week!"

"We ate one for dinner!"

"Pumpkin pie!"

"Is that Cartman?"

"No."

"Sure sounded like Cartman."

"It wasn't a cheesy poof, dude, but you had cheesy poofs the other night. Remember?"

"Jealous?"

"No--I was there. I ate cheesy poofs, too."

"Mmmm....styrofoam and cheese."

"Okay, Homer."

peace tip #17

2009-10-30T12:45:00.001-07:00

PEACE TIP #17
Appreciate everything.

It's the night before Halloween, and Justin is busy sewing a Max costume. Mr. Sparkles' impeccable patience persists with each and every stitch! I will be a Wild Thing clothed in a cut and tied sheet.

Once upon a time, everything was handmade.

Creativity is natural

2009-10-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

I sit here Sunday night reflecting on a beautiful weekend. Should we run? ... Why not, I reply; the next adventure begins. We are wearing our rain coats due to the rains futile attempts at changing the worlds plans. I will never let a little rain persuade me against time with Emily. Click click click with rogue waves in our thoughts we roll towards the concrete world of everything. There are never any formal plans when setting off on a quick stroll through time but who ends up following them anyway. Tired already lulled to sleep with a tuff of blond hair in my lap we arrive; color in our eyes and coffee in our nostrils. Why do express trains always miss your stop? Maybe we are all meant to explore more then expected and venture off in places we do not know. 3 floors down with the city winding above our heads we seek out the only show in town, MoMA. The lights are right and the colors are perfect its been to long since I have been here, many of the paintings have moved and that old excitement creeps in. 15 minutes to closing and I feel a hand on my calf, its time to go and Cuban food awaits.

peace tip #16

2009-10-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #16
Learn.

A few admirable universities, including MIT and UCLA, have been making videos of classes freely available to anyone with an Internet connection. Justin and I are watching coursework on biological engineering and environmental law. It's hard to miss the classroom when the living room doubles as a lecture hall.

I am proud of my generation and those that have helped raise it. We are a world of people working together to achieve good. We learn of evils, of course, but we use hindsight and current situations to push them out of their place.

Justin caught a string of consciousness the other night and came to a conclusion that I've heard once before--there is an elusive balance of good and bad. Both of us had the yin yang on our minds, with its contrasting parts pushing against each other. Less we spend our entire life trying to define what is right and what is wrong, let us help others protect themselves from anything that could override them. Make information known. Don't create divisions. Don't assume positions, but don't limit what goes into your head. Consider it. Process it. Evaluate it. Accept or dismiss what people like Kant had to say, and remember that there are other people breathing your air, others aspiring for their definitions of happiness. Help them, and they'll help you.

peace tip #15

2009-10-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #15.
Sleep.

College introduced me to constantly expanding thoughts and the inability to sleep. Restlessness is not conducive to an inner calm, that's for sure.

I found out recently that the blood spatter from my fall face-first down the stairs in February may have had something to do with the medication I take to bring slumber. The phrase "MAY CAUSE SEIZURES" was printed right beside a bullet on a prescription information write-up.

I think of Layla Yousefi, whose smiling face remains on my ankle. She is survived by Chris and Lily.

At a friend's advice, I am trying to squelch my belief that I can't sleep without a tablet. With a warm body beside me coaching on deep breathing techniques and beginning the lucidity of dreaming, my mind goes blank, my eyes grow heavy, and my consciousness eventually turns to peaceful black on its own.

Emily Fights

2009-10-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Sticker found in Old Heidelberg - August 2009

art night in Poughkeepsie

2009-10-15T19:32:00.001-07:00

Justin is building a rock climbing wall.

I retract that. We are building a rock climbing wall, and Justin is going to wire it to create music as the climber ascends.

Tonight, we sculpted holds. We painted in the evening. Somewhere in Stuttgart, Germany, a statue has googly eyes glued on it. Life is terrific and happy.

The weather kind of sucks (i.e., cold, sleety rain and cloudy gray monotone), but we're warm and productive. I am 34.5 percent finished making a wild thing costume. Justin will be the acclaimed Max, complete with Converse that are the same color the sky was today. He'll wear a crown while we hang where the wild things are on Halloween.

peace tip #14

2009-10-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #14:
Don't sell out on ideals.

Had I not read an unpublished post by Justin, I would likely be remnants of an explosion created from self-induced pressure to strive for a perceived American dream: employment. I lasted one day as sales representative for a marketing business that reduces credit card fees by making pitches and gathering signatures door to door. I tried to rationalize with the idea of helping local businesses save money and that an hour and a half commute was worth the commission. I claim the label of temporarily irrational.

I am likely exaggerating on atrocities involved and understanding that beggars can't be choosers, but I refuse to be surrounded by aspirations summed up by the phrase of "make mo' money." Helping people is good, but I quickly understood that it wasn't necessarily the drive behind the suited people involved. Plus, if I ever become convinced again that driving for three hours per day is acceptable, I beg you, dear reader, to take my foot out of my brain.

My mother mentioned that she'll hope for the day I am successful career wise in such a way that was measured by a salary higher than her own. Me dreaming of such seems salacious considering that my scope is a bit worldly, acknowledged lofty and idealistic, but more perceivably realistic. I know love, and I know it could be daunted by greed and submitting to financial motivations and its slavery.

Thank you, Justin, for what you wrote. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for showing me what it feels like to have someone care and for discouraging me to pursue something akin to soulful torture. Thank you for your positivity and your willingness to help. Thank you for enabling me with love and granting me confidence. Thank you for not letting me let myself get sucked in a world I despise. Thank you for existing.

Its fall and its cold.

2009-10-12T15:47:00.001-07:00

The cold air is coming, night quickly outpaces day and hats & scarf's are becoming the norm. Where did summer go, my memory has me stuck in July; waters were warmer and sandals kept your feet safe from hot sand. The northeast has had a funny year from what I hear, I only say this because of late I haven't been much of a northerner and find myself missing the south. With a southern state of mind thinking about cool summer evenings Emily and I got ready to wonder in the dark with a few hundred bundled, gloved, and down jacket individuals looking for a scare. There were corn fields, drak hallways, rooms that look like meat lockers and plenty of screams to be heard.

Getting ready for the trip through the haunted world Emily and I find ourselves running, new shoes on foot towards the car in the cold air. We arrived in New Paltz a few hours earlier with high hopes of frisbee. The sun was high, clouds reflected across the perfect blue sky and running continued. We chased the plastic white disk in short bursts of speed that proves valuable when heading from commitment to commitment.

Running into the apartment there was just 10 minutes left and we were right on time, but time changed and pushed us faster. A feat not met by many was beat that night; I challenge you to park, shower, dress, eat and drink a beer in 10 min or less while preparing to rush across town. Throw in the realization that your wearing a cowboy shirt and sweater exactly the same outfit your partner in crime chose to wear who also was able shower, dress, eat, and drink a gin and tonic all in a 10 minute window.

Lights on wheels moving we arrive at Adams house, the iPod is blasting something upbeat and again we find ourselves running. There is a house full of strangers and the show is about to begin. Piling into 3 cars we are again off for an adventure. No longer running realizing that the cold will be an issue we are cattle moving from fence to fence waiting in anticipation for the monsters to come out. Arriving at the first house after an amusing hay ride and story I find myself more scared of the cold then the blood and guts that await us. 12 walk in and only 10 walk out with their heads up, I would like to think I wasn't scared but I would be lying to myself, all dark hallways with strange sounds and bodies in bags hanging from the ceiling scare me.

peace tip #13

2009-10-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #13:
Travel.

It's catching up--all the magnificence of the past several months. All the people I met. All the stories I heard. I take all the roaming to this place of settlement along water and clouds, and realize that the world is huge and I am small, but I can be one among it.

I can offer love. I can offer empathy. I can offer my own experiences. Singlehandedly, I can not break the traditions of bloodshed caused by separation in ideals, but I can seek to understand it and embrace a hope of an earthly utopia.

Ask any eco-system
Harm here is harm there
And there and there
And aggression begets aggression
It's a very simple lesson
That long preceded any king of heaven
And there's this brutal imperial power
That my passport says I represent
But it will never represent where my heart lives
Only vaguely where it went

'Cuz I know when you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You learn that mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you just grow wings
And rise above it all

-- ani difranco

peace tip #12

2009-10-04T11:24:00.001-07:00

PEACE TIP #12:
Build bridges.

Connect to people, walk with them, and never burn what's behind you even if it gets rough.

*

Yesterday, the Walkway over the Hudson opened. City planners turned a mile and a half of an old burned rail bridge into a trek with a beautiful view. I witnessed an eclectic crowd including clowns on stilts, unicyclists, and magicians, revel in celebration of something deemed to be part of the Hudson River Valley's heritage. I heard strange accents and loved the bits of enthusiastic conversations I gathered as I ran across the concrete and steel structure with the masses. I never thought I would be writing this, but I think I love New York.

peace tip #11

2009-09-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #11:
Don't dwell.

I've been dwelling, I admit. Bullshit is haunting me, and the only way I know to scare the ghosts of anguish away is by confronting them and calling them out as bullshit. Really, though, if I didn't recognize that I was fucked over, I wouldn't still be thinking about seemingly power hungry individuals and their hierarchical antics that come to play when they seek to stay on a theoretical top.

Of course, I've been dwelling in a good sense, too (there's certainly a loophole to every tip!). I haven't even been living in Poughkeepsie for a week yet, but it feels like home already. Justin's apartment is perfect like he is. The unit is complete with familiar books lining the shelves and macro prints of portraits Justin has taken hanging on the white walls. His plants on the window seal (SEAL, not "sill") have already revived themselves and reach outwards with greener hues. The bed and furry blankets devour me with comfort at night. Justin's arms hold me tightly as well. It's been years since I have slept so well.

peace tip #10

2009-09-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #10:
Share stories.

This past weekend, Justin and his childhood friend from Michigan named Raghu melted with conversation onto a patterned carpet while drinking fancy tea and orange juice. This was after Justin jumped into a window seal (not sill, SEAL) in Amsterdam and placed an order for a hot beverage. My own friend, Tim, joined us around a table. We shared fond memories of our friend Chris, Tim's mentor and husband to Rachel.

As an unquarrelsome foursome, we kept good company with two Australians. One called herself Faith, and the other had really beautiful hair. He lunged with Tim for a while before we all said goodbye for the evening.

Justin and I went to Oslo a few days ago to see Lisa. The journey there was a bit rough, and Oslo is shockingly expensive. The time we had with Lisa, though, was unmatched. I was pleased to see Lisa's bright yellow jacket and purple pants again outside of Anker Hostel early Tuesday morning. She took us to the grocery store and then to the new opera building, which had a roof upon which frequenters of the city could walk. We ate at her favorite Indian restaurant after taking a boat ride out to the Viking Museum, where we all witnessed large ships that were carved by hand hundreds of years ago.

The following day, Justin and I went to the Munch Museum to see The Scream and other paintings by the artist before having a departing lunch with Lisa. She made delicious sandwiches and coffee. We shared a bottle of wine Justin and I bought in Boeblingen. We listened to Turkish music while Lisa showed me pictures from when we met in Amsterdam.

Lisa is still among the kindest spirits I have ever met, and I will miss her dearly until I am able to come to Europe again.

peace tip #9

2009-09-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #9:
Gain perspectives.

Last night, I witnessed an Indian birthday celebration. Instead of giving birthday spankings, seven people lifted the individual who was born thirty years ago thirty times into the air.

Last month, I came here to Germany to be with Mr. Sparkles. I spent a few of the warmer days running through the woods with bullets firing from a nearby U.S. Army Base. Why do these bullets fly? Some say for democracy. Others say to keep fear in nimble minds and power over structure.

In May, I traveled to Iceland to learn about sustainability. I saw no sign of militia in the country that rests in the Atlantic Ocean as a volcanic island where steam rises from the ground. In 1980, though, a man by the name of John marched through a plasticine tunnel to get through the deep snow in Keflavik. He carried a gun. When I was in Keflavik, I carried a camera.

I keep crawling the web to gain a better understanding of what the peace sign symbolizes. I read about demonic connotations, and I can't help but laugh thinking that it was a screwy PR effort that aimed to prevent disorder over those who resisted power struggles.

Pounce, kitty cat! Or is it a tiger that swats? Meowgrrrpurrr.

Stars are overhead.

2009-09-09T15:34:00.001-07:00

I look up the lights are dim the curtains are cracked and through the translucent white sheet I see the world. As if looking though an out of focus lens the light circles it source there are dark midnight blues, warning light reds, and yellows of every color. On the floor is a grey electronic keyboard partly covered by our yellow hotel curtains and surrounded by a deep blue sea of fine carpet. I feel a shift and for a minute my eyes refocus and my brain returns to the world, Emily is in my lap with a smile that could hold a hundred oranges. It is night time again and I fully believe that any day will be what you love.

peace tip #8

2009-09-09T03:15:00.001-07:00

PEACE TIP #8:
Be weary to make accusations, but be willing to learn.

If a college-aged female and a college-aged male sleep in the same room together, it should not be assumed that they are copulating. Other circumstances should always be considered. Sleep is a need, and warmth is a comfort humans tend to desire.

I could be confusing the expression "hooking up" with "copulation," but unless the first phrase refers to "taking advantage of the free bed in the house with heat" then I think I am safe to assume. Indeed, in the word "assume" itself an "ass" is before "u" and "me."

I was told once that Spanish men are direct, and I made the assumption that the giver of advice was assuming I was seeking a Spanish male. The more I talk to travelers, the more I hear that the blond color of Justin and my hair and the lightness of our eyes will bring solicitation for hanky-panky and situations that could bring danger and regret.

*

Justin and I have decided that a new life began on June 11. However, there are several fellow travelers I cannot erase from my history.

I met several Icelandic and Finnish volunteers at Solheimer. Selena was among them. Her hair was dark and often twisted above her head. Selena played a hang drum, which hails from Switzerland and makes the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. Hrannar was a dark-haired male. I assumed he was from Iceland. I do not remember his hair being long, but I do remember he knew much about forestry and fungus. Another girl had dreadlocks. My forgetfulness of her name shames me, and so does the fact that I accidently deleted the picture I took in which the light coming from the window illuminated her face in a way that I found the image to be beautiful.

I never made it to Spain to see Andrea in Malaga, but I did find friends in Reykavik and Amsterdam. I am making a generalization that a select group of travelers are looking for knowledge, life, and/or love while trailing old memories in all parts of the world.

Mel is a an English woman who had short gray hair. She is in her early forties. Mel fancied a particular rum that sailors often drink and was too drunk to write a legible E-mail address for me to keep up with her.

Martina also had and still has short hair, but hers is red. Martina lives in Dusseldorf, Germany, where she keeps and Icelandic horse. I visited her apartment/flat a few weeks ago. She is coming to New York in the mid-October, where perhaps she will meet Justin's gay neighbors in Poughkeepsie so they can direct her about where to find suitable bars in New York City.

Katja is the last personality with short hair who I will mention. The color of her locks is brown. She is from Asheville, North Carolina, and kept a glass ball that reminded me of something I saw in the film The Labyrinth.

At the time I met her, Maddie's hair was curly and dark and reached her shoulders. She is from Perth, Australia, where she works in the city as a graphic designer.

Cassie has mid-length blonde hair, and she attends New York University. I have just discovered that it is very likely I can find her on Facebook if her name is mentioned in footage I shot of a very vibrant conversation that took place in Amsterdam.

Lisa has long dark hair, and she is from Norway. She is very much complimented when you tell her she looks like a gorgeous gypsy. Cassie and I told her about self confidence and how necessary it is.

*

Confidence was granted to me by Madam Duke once, but that is a story in itself...

*

I said goodbye to Lisa in Amsterdam and promised her pictures of our excursions. I blame desperation and and my promise to my friend from Norway for the unofficial use of office equipment to print images from the trip in Amsterdam. I hope the book of small photos arrived to her residence in Norway. Of course, I cannot assume Lisa lives in Norway now, nor can I assume that her hair is still long. I can, however, keep my hair crossed that those assumptions are True.

I have now found Lisa's telephone number in a black notebook, along with her last name, "Saeboe" (The "b" is a letterform that is not familiar to me, but I remember her telling me to pronounce it as "SAH-BOW"). I do not know what time it is in Norway, but I think I will try calling her on Skype.

*

Lisa did not answer, but she knows I am trying to find her again.

The first of a years worth of Self-Portaits.

2009-09-08T11:47:00.002-07:00

"Peppers make your face burn some times." I am sitting here 7 weeks into my assignment in Boeblingen Germany in my third home, one away from Alabama and two away from New York I haven't floated above the solid dark floorboards of my apartment since June, and am forced to sit and listen to some older "wiser?" engineers try to install the latest and greatest. Emily is here sitting on the bed next to me and the conference call is on mute. Art must move my life; slowly corporate America will kill us all while struggling to market the very images it squashes.

Self-reflection makes you see yourself in a different way.

peace tip #7

2009-09-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #7:
Be honest.

Dr. Bebe Barefoot blatantly taught that there is truth with a "t" and Truth with a "T." Truth is open to interpretation of every circumstance that surrounds it as well as what individuals want within their understanding. I remember having another conversation about "truth/Truth" while my body moved at approximately 40 mph in a white sedan. In a preceding amount of time that was likely 15.4 days,* the only other participant in this conversation caught himself in what I perceived to be a major lie.

*

Maybe it's all the Fiona Apple that was playing while I slept last night, but I'm coming to a conclusion that deception and avoidance of an understood and/or realized truth sprouts a seed of anger, and anger breeds turmoil. Hot heads are quick to burst because hot air expands quickly. For reasons I cannot explain, I am feeling a strong desire to ride in a blimp.

Turmoil is nothing strange to me. I grew up surrounded by it. Right now, I hear phrases like "financial turmoil" and "political turmoil." It's all the same--trouble spurs for one reason or another and households crumble. Lies lead to guilt, and guilt makes us mad. Let us promise ourselves never to build a house with a hot attic. TRUTH! Always! Yes, MAMSIRGIRLDUDE!

*

There is a sign posted by what appears to be the speed limit in this small German town of Boeblingen that was bombed during World II. The round marker depicts a tank. I have recently learned that the numbers are likely the maximum weight for vehicles with tracked wheels.

The following animation created by Justin is open to interpretation:

* 15.4 is an estimated value.

peace tip #6

2009-09-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #6:
Don't compete.

I only sat as an observer in Bryant-Denny Stadium on a single occasion. When it did happen, I was seven years-old and much shorter than I am now. I told someone once that I just didn't understand that "man-against-man thing" about football. What I can understand is the attraction of fun and folly, though, and how the huge upside-down spaceship* venue makes people come together.

*

Justin is asleep on the terrace. I'm thinking about Alp. Alp isn't a mountain. Alp is from Thailand. She owns a restaurant known as Ruan Thai. Ruan Thai located at 1407 University Boulevard in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The aforementioned address is where Alp deals out the best Thai-style curry I've ever eaten.

Someone who is not Alp opened another Thai restaurant across the street from Ruan Thai. The curry served on the other side of the University Boulevard is not as good in my opinion. I claim this notion without ever tasting food from the competing establishment, but I make it knowing that the other restaurant uses mood lighting and atmosphere to attract customers.

Maybe I have a bias because I worked waiting tables for Alp for a while, but I really don't see a good heart behind a bigger investment on a similar business. Alp has three kids and thousands of mouths to feed. S'not so nice to do it bigger and better and fancier so close to Ruan Thai!

Truthful tongues will taste and tell--the smaller house with the best food will stand longer.

*Andrea Mabry pointed out how the shape of Bryant Denny Stadium resembles what movies and comics have shown to be large crafts for transporting alien beings.

peace tip #5

2009-09-04T03:38:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #5:
Give credit where credit is due.

Some famous thinker is credited with alluding to this notion. I think he was Roman. That's almost all I can tell you about the source of inspiration. Assumptions tell me that this dude was likely screwed over once. It's possible he was overlooked, so he felt like a depleted minion who was denied something for which he felt entitled. Perhaps he spoke out, and his words echoed in translations of his phrase.

Credit comes in many forms. Now that I've graduated from The University of Alabama, I'm trying to figure out just where I should place it. Now I send thanks to ones who bestowed knowledge. To some, I give postcards. To others, I simply nod to them in my head whenever a piece of their own minds slip from my tongue. If I did not, I'd feel their unsaid detriment that might bring an ill feeling and spur unfriendly reactions.

I encountered many individuals and ebbs and flows of egos while gaining upper-level education. Some who taught me became my friends. Others preferred to flick me a bird, remain behind podiums, or hide behind screens instead of agreeing to any similarity in souls. Those are the ones I will be least likely to remember.

Of course, sometimes disagreeable people are the ones who I cannot forget. I had a roommate who wrote a note that pretty much told me to go kill myself and left it on our refrigerator (her request was almost honored after I had a freak accident and fell down a flight onto my face in February). This same person is also the reason that bright pink Post-It notes shaped like flowers scare the living shit out of me. I credit this old roomie for teaching me the lesson that people have evil phases that can and should be overcome.

I could attempt to name every person who ever contributed to who I am, but the effort would prevent me from coming across new contributors. I will let the entitled create their own acknowledgements. So it goes.*

*Sentence courtesy of Kurt Vonnegut

GREENER WAY FOR UA - overview

2009-09-02T03:46:00.001-07:00

POINT CONTACT: sgaenvironmentalconcerns@gmail.com

o v e r v i e w

With enrollment at The University of Alabama at its all-time high and national political agendas addressing measures to control climate change and global warming, it is necessary for The University of Alabama to increase its image as an institution that is concerned about the environmental impact of its campus.

A GREENER WAY FOR UA is a campaign that seeks to enhance the eco-consciousness of students, faculty, staff, alumni, and other stakeholders of The University of Alabama. Those involved in the campaign desire to eliminate waste and emphasize the use of sustainable/renewable resources in order to reduce carbon emissions and detriment to natural ecosystems.

Over 28,000 students, faculty, and staff in addition to an exponential number of alumni and stakeholders will be affected by A GREENER WAY FOR UA.

A GREENER WAY FOR UA will use a mix of marketing, advertising, and public relations to accomplish the following:

Increase the amount of recyclable material collected by UA Facilities
Decrease overall purchase and use of non-sustainable materials.
Decrease food and material waste.
Increase the use of compost from organic food waste generated at Bama Dining locations.
Emphasize incorporating locally grown produce into Meal Plan options.
Increase visibility of Homegrown Alabama Farmers Markets.
Increase pedestrian and bike transportation, ride shares, and use of Crimson Ride transit.
Decrease electricity consumption in academic buildings, offices, and residential halls.

The campaign will begin Fall 2009 and continue indefinitely with recruitment, enrollment, and employment of new students, faculty, and staff.

Undetermined investments for promotional material for A GREENER WAY FOR UA will pay off dividends in terms of environmental health and goodwill towards The University of Alabama's observance of ecological matters.

For more about A GREENER WAY FOR UA, see PHASE 1 - RECYCLING

peace tip #4

2009-09-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #4:
Make no flash judgment.

We have a camera, and we take pictures. Light comes into the device. The entirety of what we can see is captured. An unknowing viewer might say that Heidi's Hostel is unkept, but to Justin and me, the eclecticism of decor, hodgepodge of furniture, and smell of cats were complex pleasures.

The woman pictured next to me is Heidi Beyeler. At first, we thought she was crazy from senility, but our minds changed after a conversation writ with sharp memories as an Alpine native.

Heidi owns a place in Switzerland not far from the Interlaken West train station where people pay to have a place to sleep in a room other globe trotters who do not want to or cannot pay for kitchey hotels and room service.

*
Heidi's husband operated the building on Bernastrasse 37 as a destination known in the 1950s as Garni-Hotel Beyeler. At the end of our two night stay in one bed of a room with six bunks topped with mismatched patterned comforters, Heidi kissed me on each cheek and gave departing gifts to Justin and myself.

To wish us farewell, the vibrant-eyed old woman pulled a colorful brochure out of a glass cabinet. By the look of the typeface and style of clothing worn in the pictures featured within it, Justin and I figured that the folded piece of paper was produced at least thirty years ago. We conjointly gathered that it advertised her husband's business during its hay-day. In our minds, it cued scenes of rich European yuppies wearing brightly colored coats skiing down the valleys of the Alps.

*

After telling Heidi that I had recently graduated from a university, she congratulated me with a shot glass painted with the word "Grindelwald" in gold metallic lettering and a small blue flower. Years of handling likely contributed to the souvenir's discoloration and the ambiguity of its half-scraped label.

Grindelwald is where we took the gondola to Pfingsteg earlier that day. The lift took Justin and me to an altitude of 4,564 feet near the base of the Alps. I am unsure of where the hike towards the top of the misty mountains took our bodies, but a map tells me that Eiger, the nearest documented peak, shoots itself 13,380 feet into the sky. We could see Jungfraujoch, the "top of Europe," from almost anywhere we looked. The only time it was hidden from view was when we were in the cover of a forest, restaurant, or touristy attraction (i.e., Swiss knife shops and chocolatiers).

Mid-day, Justin and I panted our ways up and down a steep trail, rewarded ourselves with coffee, and cringed with hunger on our way back to the small tourist town.

*
The shot glass Heidi handed to Justin featured an Eidelweiss flower. It was a recipricocity from him pulling out a box of truffles from Laderach, a Swiss chocolate company, and offering a morsel to Heidi just moments before the engagement of various material-emotion exchanges.

The 79 year-old woman wearing a stained pink blouse told us in slightly broken English how she would go to the mountains and pick the white flowers from the higher parts of the mountains when she was younger.

"All the ones, higher and higher, we would try to get. The best were higher. Always higher," she said, in reference to the Eidelweiss bloom. She mentioned she'd return home with a bouquet of them after a day of gathering.

Now Heidi's ankles are bandaged. She says the doctor told her she must wear a wrapping around each foot for the rest of her life. She is unable to make the trek for blooms.

"C'est la vie!" Heidi said before we walked out of her door to catch a train to Zurich and then to Stuttgart, Germany.

On board, Justin quipped that "Judgment is only based on you knowledge of the past. It implies that old people have the best judgment. But I think in generalization's terms, older people often have the best judgement."

The word "often" leaves a loophole. I am thin enough to slip through cracks, so I have been through many. Recently, I have felt judgement passed on my being.

"You're different," a southern American woman told me. "And people don't like that."

In Boeblingen, Germany, I see middle-aged men roller blading to work with ski poles in hand. I smile over the assumption that they offer themselves as spectacles in order to avoid crowded busses and redundancy of bicycling.

In retrospect, I let that phrase slice me in half just a statement a man from the far north of The United States said in reaction to hearing that people are "self-interested." (Girlchildwoman says so!)

"That's not my philosophy on life," he said.

I wish it wasn't my own, but what can one do but think that the older must prove they are wiser sometimes by stepping on younger, faster toes?

I desired "A" hard-earned gratification once upon a time. A grade. A mark. Three of them to be exact. Three I for which I hoofed. The effort for one contributed to the hospital visit--long nights that sent me walking home at 2 a.m. in chilly weather. The other kept me awake, too, by reminding me that I cannot close my eyes and dream immediately like so many do.

To me, it is unfortunate that supremacy is in cases kept by the ones whose feet not once tried on red running shoes. Acknowledgements and records loaded with hard effort are granted in stingy measures on occasions when strings and balls are attached.

All the girlchildwoman wanted was "A" stamp of approval that she met requirements and proof that time she spent thinking until her brain spun out in maddening sleeplessness was known.

Heidi gratified me for smiling at her. For listening to her. For being personable. Snap judgements on my own behalf and my learned tendency to avoid people were likely at play when I was denied credit for something I worked days and/or months to learn and/or experience.

I cannot say that I am settled in the last hand that was dealt to me while attending college, but at least now I know that experience is not a letter grade, nor is it all in being squashed with poor reason by an authority figure. Experience is being at high altitudes with head and lungs full of oxygen, feeling the cold mist in the air and the world moving below, grasping for an unseen Edelweiss flower.

Move on, girlchildwomanself, move on. . . Higher heights await!

"Artists fortunately remind us that there’s in fact no single, correct way to look
at any work of art, save for with an open mind and patience."
--Michael Kimmelman, The New York Times

After 40 Years, the Bed-In Reawakens

2009-08-25T06:36:00.001-07:00

It's the fortieth anniversary of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's Bed-In!

peace tip #3

2009-08-25T02:51:00.000-07:00

Jimmy, our pet apple, enjoys the lake near the civic center in Boeblingen.

PEACE TIP #3:
Learn patience.

Patience is a desirable virtue. Fast food drive-thru windows and ten minute oil changes have spoiled me. Supermarkets that are open 24/7 have given me anything imaginable (googly eyes included!) in a quarter hour's time frame. Made and shipped from across the globe, the value of the smallest things I carry with me is now worth much more than it was in my pre-collegiate years. I am now very aware of the economics behind the manufacturing and supplying of goods and the human resources that are included.

While staying at Solheimar in Iceland, I spent a few hours in the knitting room of the eco-village, where mentally disabled people learned to craft mittens, hats, and scarves. I was given the task of twisting ends for a table decoration. At first, finding the coordination for assembling the tedious strands and knots brought frustration. The clock above the door reminded me I was obligated to practice the movements for a few more hours.

Sitting beside another volunteer, I was brought back to a kindergarten classroom where I untied knots as punishment for some sort of committed naughty-ism. As a six year-old, I was placed in a corner where I would have to work out kinks in a shoelace.

In the room in Solheimar that was filled with fabric scraps and large looms, my grumbles from inside were a result of a lifetime of haste and options. My anxious, unamused manner was somewhat dispelled when I looked at Karen, a pregnant Icelandic woman who spoke in the softest voice I had ever heard. She ran the workshop and gained happiness from shear simplicity, from breathing that pure air, from working with her hands.

I did not notice a single time that Karen looked at the clock or if she glanced at it at all.

If I learn her patience, I would hope to transpose her inspiration so the world does not desire to conquer itself with rolling eyes and voiced complaints from time spent waiting in line for anything at all.

I have been around someone with a similar patience; Mr. Sparkles has it in him. He understands time and its essence in our being, and how it should not be taken for granted. While he waits with duties looming in a sense unlike Karen's, he finds entertainment in the pacing around him. He remains at peace.

Moon Mist and Sleepy Children

2009-08-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Now I understand why writers lock themselves in secluded locations away from it all. Life never stops and to reflect even for a moment at times alters your current path. If not changing you path, just blowing one or two clouds left or right. Time to time those clouds can make a big difference when one believes in fate or a positive flowing energy that keeps you moving to grass fields, back seats of tiny cars, puppet rap shows and an european adventure not found in any of the travel guides.

Disillusion of what you don't have fills much of the world. Standing in beautiful Belgium with 100,000 of my closest friends sweaty, cold, and confused at what comes next. I stand staring at the trees full of waterfall sticks illuminating the collectives energy and a language I do not know rattles in my ear. "How is New York? Its not the biggest city in the world you know. 50 million, Paris is 50 million strong and Mexico City is even bigger ranking the top of the list with 20 million people. " Not sure what was lost in translation, it could have been the german techno music blowing in my ear drums, the sickening site of 100,000 fifty cent fans, or the 3 am moon filling the cold and misty sky; last time I checked 50 million was more then 20 but both rank higher then New York as the most pissed in city's of the world. Why is the fluent in 4 languages Belgiumite so quick to put down this wonderful place he currently lives just to wonder "what if" with dreams that swim the Atlantic each night.

Music kicks in a little harder, Emily in my arms eyes full of sleep wrapped in everything we own to keep warm this night. "You don't have to go" she says, worrying that some repetitive beat produced by four strange old men would keep me from wanting, needing to spend every moment with her.

Sam our tour guide on this most strange of adventures turns every few moments with the positive reinforcement searching of an unsure traveler "They're great right?". Always as I feel someone should encourage the opinions of others even if you don't agree, for it helps them discover their true original thoughts; or so I believe for I am just searching myself. Judging by the crowds the moon and my eyelids we depart from our Australian friend and begin yet another journey, the center of earth would be appropriate for its 40 degrees and two bathing suits, two airline blankets, and a bag of art supplies are not going to keep up warm tonight.

Pukkelpop 2009

2009-08-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

This week's end culminated with a hot-frosty blur in a small town in Belgium. We arrived in Kiewit Thursday evening with intentions to see The Deftones play. Neither of us was disappointed by missing the band we knew from our teenage years. Instead, we were delighted with the invitation of colorful flowing flags, flashing lights, and enthusiastic motion from a strange crowd dancing to an electronic band.

Pukkelpop 2009 wasn't Bonnaroo due to the lack of constant disorienting heat and three less square miles of campground, but it certainly was a comparable mix of sound and sight. The people were an enigma to us. Thousands of others were speaking in unfamiliar accents. Some languages we heard were English, French, German, Dutch, and its offshoot of Flemmish. The accents of English came from Australians and English music fanatics. We met no other Americans.

We spent nights, during which we could see our warm breaths mixing with cold air, curled up in the back of a small rented sedan making heat. We were grateful we hadn't chosen to pitch a literal tent amongst a mass of people with temporary dwellings who all seemed much younger than us. Any sort of clean oasis was hard to come by among the trash piles created between tents. The scene reminded me of slums from a third world country where allies of domed tents were insulated with emptied plastic containers, beer cans, and half eaten food.

This crowd of people moved from their sleeping spots each evening to witness the rest of the mass drawn by music. We opinionated the worst of the talent line-up to be a German band that touted four performers in front of laptops.

"It's Kraftewerk," said Sam, our Australian friend.

Simplistic redundant beats played while others stood in awe. The lyrics were simple repetitions of multiword phrases-- "MAN, MACHINE, MAN, MACHINE." The most inspiring bit came when a voice said "TOUR DE FRANCE" dozens of times while images of bicyclers from fifty years ago flashed on large screens.

Justin introduced me to Tortoise, an ensemble with many classifications. Immediately, jazzy electricity comes to mind in my attempts to describe what filled my head. Behind them, windmills spun.

"This is what I listen to when I program," Justin said. I immediately understood why.

Constance, constantly calm

2009-08-17T01:42:00.000-07:00

From a grassy spot, Justin and I witness where the Rhine meets rivers flowing from the Swiss Alps to make Lake Constance. We are still in bliss after discovering spicy food from Karma, a restaurant made with colors that complement (purple flowers and greenery!). We bask in the sun with others who roam freely and uninhibited as they should.

"We're worshipping the sun together on a Sunday," Justin says as he implies that everyone around us is happy as ripe peaches ought to be.

Giddy children play in fountains, and we help one fill his water bottle after basking all day in summer's sun.

Sitting on a train coming back from a weekend in the melting pot city of Constance, we hear a man playing guitar in another train car. He sings along to his cover of The Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

Meanwhile, a stranger from Croatia tells us that he lost his wife and daughters in a world war.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bosnian_War

"Minefield in a forest. Long time ago... It was a dirty war. It was a war without honor. In the first world war, they fight...Croatians and Serbs. A brother fights the side of the Croatian and another fights the Serbs. One shoots the others. Ten or fifteen years has passed since the war, but they still kill each other. Many wives kill their man because they are Croatian and she is a Serb.

My great Mom remember the second world war. In the second world war there was Russia. Lots of Germans. Now the war is more and more harder. In the second world war, Germans steal five chickens, but they leave 10. Russians steal 15 chickens, but they leave three. Croatians come and steal all the chickens and kill the family.

I think it will need two to three generations before they can live together. In this city, if there are Serbs.

[Where I came from, once known as Bosnia] if you go to a place and you call something the wrong word, it is dangerous. The land is separated by a bridge. Croatians go in the street with certain flags. If the police come, they have no chance. The army must come. The only reason [for violence] was [cause by] a soccer game.

Croatia was a part of Austria-Hungary. They always make war with the kingdom of the Serbs. There has always been. In the second war TITO from Yugoslavia was much like Bush. Three generals died . At the end, 90 percent of generals were Serbs. Police--80% to 90%--were Serbs. Police were being in jail for two years. The judge was ---.

The marina--everything is in Yugoslavia. Throwing stones. Blame switches. The biggest problem were political. They make big propaganda. They built up anger.

People had guns. Were given guns. I hid my gun."

In my head I am begging to know what is perpetuating such anger and violence. Justin and I discuss that it's a tit for tat thing. Years ago, someone killed someone, and a family or political group wants revenge. While some people accept uncontrolled injustice and move on with life, others place blame on an entire group of people. Associations of hate are made and affirmed. But why, why,

why?

"My cousin is living in Croatia from the first day to the last day with army during the war. He destroyed a pillow during his sleep because of a nightmare. Before the war, he don't touch alcohol. Today, in the morning, he drinks a liter of vodka. Today in Croatia, a lot of people have a problem because of alcohol.

At a party. Men were together in Rome. Men from different sides. Someone asks a guy for a EURO. What do you want? One EURO. The guy would not give him the EURO, so they beat him. People go to party. People shoot BOOM BOOM BOOM in the air. "

It's hard to believe that in this country of Germany, at least in the towns and cities we have visited, pedestrians obediently obey crosswalk signs even when traffic is not coming. Law is supreme, and common courtesy reigns supreme.

"It's a problem. From year to year, it will be better. [Sometimes even now] give someone from another country a picture, 500 EURO and a plane ticket, and he'll go kill another man. The places where the tourist are are not dangerous because the police have strong control. Children drive cars. No problem. Time will make it better."

I hear, "Time will bring peace." I feel that the intensity of the subject matter is brought down, but violence continues to be mentioned and observed:

"If you go to a stadium, and you want to watch American football, it [is a good time for all]. If you go to Germany, it is not peaceful. A lot of fans come from Frankfurt to Stuttgart just to fight."

Justin and I joke about American sports. Baseball rules the Northeast, while football takes over the South. I've never been a fan of sports because I've never understood rules and rivalry.

The mentioning of sports competitions in Europe reminds me of Martina's interpretation of Cologne and Dusseldorf. Citizens from both German cities hate each other. Martina, who is from Dusseldorf, goes to Cologne frequently because she feels her homosexuality is more accepted and celebrated there. However, she tells me she does not understand the fighting between the two cities.

Neither do we.

monster socks

2009-08-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

Some people get very frustrated when they're waiting in airport security lines. Rather than let impatience breed anger, Justin has come up with a laughable nonverbal response to TSA personnel who kindly ask him to remove his shoes before boarding a plane:

peace tip #2

2009-08-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

PEACE TIP #2:
Not all people possess the sixth sense of telekinesis, and the denial of this fact can lead to conflict. Know your intensions, then explain them in five different languages. Next, ask whoever it is you are communicating with to explain what you just said back to you in its native language. To finalize the understanding, request that the person sketch an image of whatever idea you are trying to get across and/or pantomime it. Interpret your transmission of knowledge and decide the accuracy of the transfer. Explain more if necessary.

Recently, I have learned a few good lessons about teamwork. Sometimes, situations exist where five people see an "A" and one person sees a "B." There are a few people who see neither one of those letters, but they agree with everyone who sees an "A," so that person is usually perceived as a sore thumb. The reason for this is usually because the five people who see "A" fail to explain what "A" is, and the person seeing "B" keeps on visualizing the lovely curves in the letter and has no idea only three straight lines are needed to complete the vision. The "A" people want to knock the "B" person over the head and conspire to do so, whilst all the "B" thinker ever needed was a picture of an "A."

peace tip #1

2009-08-12T08:43:00.001-07:00

We see what we want to see.
I am seeing peace signs everywhere.
I want others to see them, too.

Establishing a PLAN OF PEACE and walking the PEACE PATH takes small realizations and reactions that accompany.

PEACE TIP #1:
When in Germany, do as the Germans do. Return aluminum, plastic, and glass back to the store where you bought the product contained within it.

According to our friend Matthius, aluminum cans are worth 0.25 EURO here, which is a little less than 0.40 USD. Knowing what I heard about the aluminum industry while I was in Reykavik, Iceland, (bad stuff, yo) I was delighted to hear that a highly effective deposit incentive for returning materials exists.

While we were in Dusseldorf, Martina told me just to leave my glass bottle on the ground.

"Someone will pick it up tonight. People live from payment for these," she said.

It felt strange knowing that litter is bitter, but I sat it down and believed that it would be taken to someone else's benefit before dawn broke in a sky that is just now becoming familiar.

j'aime le weekend

2009-08-10T05:59:00.000-07:00

Friday evening Justin busts in and says, "Let's go." We arrive at the car rental business down the road, where our friend Christina works. She scores a few cheap Americans a deal on Mercedes pEace-class.

The environmentalist in the car, who should be championing mass-transit, isn't screaming. Train tickets cost quadruple the amount of a fast ride down the AUTOBAHN, where a foot on the pedal makes the black rocket reach 240 kilometers per hour on its horizontal path to Dusseldorf to see Martina and her Icelandic horse.

Saturday comes, and halfway across the world, students cross a stage and are given fake diplomas that admit may or may not admit them into the "real world" of which people keep speaking. My name is on a real one that is being sent through the mail. Meanwhile, I'm running up history in Heidelberg with Mr. Sparkles.

Martina takes us to the city, where we say we will play cupid. She wants love, and Cologne--not Dusseldorf--is where she is more likely to find a pretty girl who has real feelings for her. Justin and I end up shooting our arrows into two others in the rowdy streets of "the longest bar on earth." We notice them move closer to each other before we return to Martina's flat.

Noon on Sunday comes quickly after deep sleep. We visit the Cologne Cathedral, where humanists stand before the doors handing out brochures about a Chinese cult following of Falun Dafa.

An activist, who is also an international man of business, tells us that over 40,000 members have been killed for their organs. The Chinese government controls communication to the extent that the tragedies are largely swept under the rug. Justin records his voice while I am a tiny speck on the planet with a tear in my eye.

We enter the church and I light a candle for my sister.

The afternoon brings indulgences of a pride festival and a visit to a CHOCOLATE Museum. The building isn't made of fudge, but our mouths water at the sight of factory parts drizzling with smooth brown streams of goodness. Industry isn't always fair, but the taste of the "food of the gods" is good.

Knowing what I have been taught, I admire the packaging and chuckle over the fact that three out of ten children in Bolvaria color cows purple because they are more familiar with the brand Milka than they are with actual cattle. I still like Nutella the most.

shit happens

2009-08-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

Caffeine runs through blood
Adrenaline is a full-fledged
We had a good day.

Guten Morgen!

2009-08-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

Pictured above is a product I fully endorse. Pictured below is an image I will always promote.

There is no wrong side of the bed in Germany, but hearing the sound of a drill at 8 a.m. wasn't my preferred way to wake up. I realize the mood it put me in, and that I need to get out of it. This feeling will pass after I write.

Recently, I have discovered to pick my battles. I am normally very pacifistic unless I see someone else getting steamrolled in a situation. Lately, though, I have realized I do need to stand up for myself at times. In regards to others, though, I think of my mother and what she is going through at the moment. I stood up for her when my sister became unruly even in her sedentary, painful state. I think of my father, too, because I know all the stress he bears and he wants to put blame somewhere. Circumstance was and is the issue; no single person is at fault for all the time we have spent in the hospital. The irony is that poor health brought the fragments of my family together to save all persons that comprise it.

I am leaving the academic world very soon unless I do pursue knowledge of laws and environmental policies. Further education would be very expensive and adequate employment to pay for it seems to be difficult to gain due to how economics are being portrayed (I do plan to search for scholarships).

Also, I am still learning lessons. Since June, I have learned how to smile and look people in the eye when I talk to them--two things I strayed from after living with a very angry person who only communicated with me via Post-It notes. Now I stare in your eyes as we discover new bits of each other's irises. I smile. I don't stop smiling.

I smile because I consider love. It did happen, and I cannot move from it. I have thought about how the cold will come in New York, but so much warmth resides within walls there. I have not seen these walls yet, but I know the comfort of the arms that have resided within them. I felt these arms last night on a jungle gym, wrapped around me while we contemplated the Earth's orbit and the passing of time and the colors and shapes of things.

I am happy.

Arrival to Germany

2009-08-04T07:42:00.001-07:00

I am here!
You are here!
We are here!

We are living in Böblingen, Germany, outside of Stuttgart. We stay in Böhler Hotel, where we have to put a key in the wall to turn on the electricity so less is wasted. There are recycling bins in sight. Our first meal together in this country was at a Thai restaurant, where the peppers were THAI HOT and bit our tongues (yes, this is a bit of an idiosyncrasy from the "buy local" aspect of my ideals, but after working at Ruan Thai for so long, the taste of curry is comfort).

Home is what we make it . . .

bier and meetings

2009-08-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

Drinking in the very early afternoon is acceptable when meetings are involved. Excerpt from 2pm today.

Train to Stuttgart waiting in line not easy to figure out ticket check, wish I would have paid closer attention to how I moved onto the next screen. Slow people put my trip back 20 minutes..waiting for the next train off to a foreign land and I hope to return...no maps no language skills no plans but I just need to escape. Bier is a great way to get through the Saturday meetings on a beautiful 80 degree day in early August hidden away in the land of Germany. Suddenly I hear and accordion playing in the background at the train station before my afternoon adventure, this really makes it feel like Europe. Just hope I head in the right direction, looking up I notice ticket booths on the platform...guess I am new at this and have to learn sometime. wow the accordion is perfect in a foreign land ...off I go.

Maybe I will just follow people today and see where it takes me, for 4 euros 1 way I cannot loose on my day journey. Dancing to the music would be in order if Emily was here. We would and soon will experience all of this together. Bring dresses, big sunglasses, bring yourself what you love and leave what you hate behind for today is a new day and tomorrow is a new journey. We will experience this together and cherish it always. We will sleep on trains, run through forests, drink wine in parks, create art wherever we venture, cause curiosity, and make love when desired. Its the beginning of life or the life I never quite understood until now. There will be picnics in parks and adventures of all sorts and everything is right.

where you are is where I will be

2009-07-31T22:19:00.000-07:00

I look around the room, and it is empty; bare walls, bare floor, bare space. Big white box, nothing in it.

I close my eyes, and the area becomes filled with furniture and odds and ends. A painting coated with red and blue and green sits in the corner.

I see a tuft of blonde hair and tan feet sticking up on the couch. A long body is concealed from my view. I discover its restful state as I walk across a hardwood floor towards the kitchen. I want to wake my golden god with kisses on the forehead, but I dare not disturb the dreamer. Light falls in from the window. The beauty of the moment can not (and did not) go undocumented:

lonelylonelylonely

2009-07-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday night, and Tuscaloosa is coming back to life. Everyone is putting things in boxes and shifting it all around.

I gave my bed away to Ginnay this morning, telling her that I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.

The producers have me on track for a ten minute segment on Discovering Alabama. I've always wanted to be a filmmaker. Veni, vidi, vici. On to better things...

I walked through the eerie pre-rain grayness to go to a conference about sustainability. Two women from a consulting firm came to talk about increasing energy efficiency and appropriating resources and recycling on a college campus. One of the speakers--Joanne--gave me her card and I had to refuse because her business partner had already given me one. I worried for a moment that I seemed rude for telling her "no thanks, I already have one," but I think she understood my prodigaphobia (fear of waste).

I said goodbye to many people tonight. Stephen and Kat send greetings and hugs and luck and such.

Pictures of us scaling a rock climbing wall came to my mind. It made beautiful tones. With our bodies, we sang.

last call

2009-07-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

It is the end of the summer. I will be a college graduate soon.

I learned the hard lessons at the end--MAKE FRIENDS, KISS ASS, and DON'T BELIEVE IN THE REAL WORLD of which they speak. I found love, LOVE, LOVE.

I am twenty-one years of age, and the world is my oyster. Justin McCoy is my clam, and I am contained.

Sleep to Dream.

2009-07-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I draw with light. I haven't been remembering my dreams lately and this has me kinda sad, I am used to very vivid dreams full of colors and sounds. I can blame it on the weather, someone always does; I can also attribute my loss of dreams to food, and this is where I am going to stay. Some believe that spicy food will give you vivid dreams here I agree if not just for the possibility that the previous fact I might have just made up. Some people also believe that everything is just a state of mind so in that case spicy food does give one vivid dreams and tonight I dream. I am going to close my eyes and wait for the first thought that pops into my head....This is a game try it at home. For some reason when I close my eyes I can see a black teva shoe from that shoe I can feel warm air and can feel love close by. This is hard to describe but must be what a fuzzy peach feels like on a warm summer day, with the smells of saltwater, and the feeling of sand on your feet. Its that first glass of water after a run or the feeling that you get when you wake up comfortable in bed realizing that its early and you still have time to sleep in. I can see a pool...my vision jumps to holding Emily up in the water as if she was floating. I can feel myslef spinning her around in circles, and can remember looking up at her while she smiles a big happy shining smile and spins me in circles. I feel someone curled up on my arm as I drive.. here I stop playing my memory association game that I try to enact every night while laying in bed with my eyes closed, for its 1am and sleep brings Monday and my dreams one step closer.

yin&yang

2009-07-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

Our colors are inverse like yin and yang!

One step closer.

2009-07-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Is it really the end of July? Did summer really happen or has it all been a dream. 3 months ago I was sitting in my office looking out the window with my thoughts on warm air, green grass and clouds. The tree that was once fire red full of leaves had since lost all of its steam and sat bare for the winter, once again began to blume. Its branches were covered in bright white flowers almost blinding with the glare of the mid afternoon spring sun. I avoiding some sort of administrative task turn to Adam and say this year I will not miss Mountain Jam, and Bonnaroo is a must. Not at all surprised of my outburst Adam quickly logs onto the Bonnaroo site and takes a quick look at the line up. Silently I sit there watching him scroll through the list of bands, nodding everytime he sees one that he likes. Before he has the chance to respond I already know the answer I dart up and write ROO 2009 on the white board in our office. The leaves on the tree are now green that summer air has begun to flow through the valley, my bike ride to work has started earlier in the morning trying to avoid any summer heat. Its Wednesday, my last day of work before the adventure begins, for tomorrow is Bonnaroo and tonight is a road trip through the eastern mountains towards the land of twang. Excited never having been to a big festival before I come to work with a head full of thoughts, questions and excitement. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm I barely get any real work done, I sit down to write some code but don't get very far with my mind wondering off to the fields 17 hours south. I attend a status meeting not catching a word of what has happened in the current project of the moment, music in my head and clouds in my eyes. I am subconsciously connected to all future plans without any realization that they exist. Like a kid on Christmas eve work crawls by, however unlike Christmas I decide to start the ride home a little early bringing me one step closer to Tennessee. Making record time to long island in rush hour traffic I scare cabs out of my way on the Triborough Bridge, for they do not have as important arrival time at a destination as I do.

beds in living rooms

2009-07-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

It is strange to me why more people do not put beds in their living rooms. Why hide where one can sleep and dream wonderful dreams and do wonderful things?

food & poke salad tie-dying

2009-07-27T06:24:00.000-07:00

"Pokeweed berries yield a red ink or dye, which was once used by Native Americans to decorate their horses. The United States Declaration of Independence was written in fermented pokeberry juice (hence the common name 'inkberry'). Many letters written home during the American Civil War were written in pokeberry ink; the writing in these surviving letters appears brown. The red juice has also been used to symbolize blood, as in the anti-slavery protest of Benjamin Lay. A rich brown dye can be made by soaking fabrics in fermenting berries in a hollowed-out pumpkin."

source: Wikipedia

Unfortunately, the tie-dye experiment did not work; Dad says the poke berries need an oil base to stick to the fabric. Needless to say, I'm not giving up on attempts at making awesome poke-tie-dyed collared shirts.

The room in Germany is beautiful. I cannot wait to wake up in another country's sunshine wrapped in arms that will keep me from jumping out of bed too early...

Travel in Style.

2009-07-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Looking around I found our travel for a trip to California, next summer. Lets climb some mountains in the Sierra Nevada’s and camp on the beach. Looks Like the following site http://www.vwsurfari.com/ourbuses.html rents VW bus’s trip planning done.

past, present, future

2009-07-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

(recent) PAST: Met Mom's new boyfriend and found him to be rather interesting and naturally smart. He knows how to work land and grow things, so we have been talking very much. Slept more soundly than usual with a bunny that smells like marshmellows and a frisbee. Went exploring and found PURPLE berries, which I am going to use to tie-dye white collared shirts I wore when I worked at a chain Italian restaurant. Found out Jordan is back in Special Care Unit, but she isn't feeling pain.

PRESENT: Listening to NPR, French is being mumbled and I feel how badly I want to be somewhere where a harsher tongue is spoken, not because of exoticism or natural curiosity or a desire to travel, but because I want to be with Mr. Sparkles.

FUTURE: Going to Birmingham tonight to be with Dad and Jordan. In just over one week I will board a plane, escaping this family funk and reuniting as an entity with Consul Aquila Kingsford/Mr. Sparkles/Justin.

life goes on

2009-07-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who lived on opposite ends of a country. Music brought them to a grassy field, where they discovered each other after the boy told the girl, "I like your bumper sticker."

Before his words, she hula-hooped when the caravan of vehicles was at a halt. Perhaps then was when the boy first read the word "EARTH" written on the back of her small, gray sedan. The letters A-R-T stood out in red.

For the days that followed, they danced and smiled and stared into eyes until they fainted with the dawn. They painted circles--some signaling peace--on bare skin.

Now they chalk the same sign on walls. In their lives, they mediate. They turn anger into understanding. They even out kinks. They pacify. They do not stand between two forces, but instead they walk between two forces. They recognize good and they recognize evil. They look for boundaries between both.